So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
