Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
