your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
