Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
