last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
