I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
