Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
