Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Non-Jews are for practice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
