Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
