i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
