I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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