I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
