Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
