I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize