Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
