can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
