guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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