I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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