i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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