guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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