I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
