I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
