Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
