I will die if light touches me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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