It's Friday. Sex?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
