so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
