I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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