i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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