He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
