saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
