Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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