you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
