I think my fart just growled at me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
