unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
