I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
