I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
