I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
