Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
