so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
