i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
