Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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