You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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