Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
