I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
