You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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