Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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