he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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