life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
