I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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