I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
