I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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