yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
